Saturday, August 14, 2010


There is no title for Lesson 3.  It is what it is.  YOU MUST PUT YOURSELF FIRST!  Above all else, make sure that you have the things you need.  Make sure that YOU are taken care of.  God will help, or show you the way, or send you an angel, but it is up to you to step up and recognize, and take care of yourself. 

What I mean by that is this; If your like me, there are days when you just feel like laying in bed and dying.  I don't care if your a man or women.  There are days when it's difficult to get out of bed.  But you must.  You must get up and take care of yourself or you are no good to anyone around you.  I have found that just a simple thing like straightening my hair makes me feel better.  This is no easy feat.  It takes a good hour and a half to straighten my hair and it's a pain in the ass, but it's part of taking care of myself.  Give yourself a clean shave (men), paint your nails, do your hair, put on make up.  Even if your not going anywhere. 
Then go somewhere.

I have become a master at finding bargains and deals, shopping for little to no money, & finding free excursions. I will get into all that in a later lesson.  This lesson is about taking care of you.  It's so important to take care of yourself.  In difficult times we tend to be too depressed to take care of us.  The basic needs of the kids, or work, is about all we can handle.  "Fake it til you make it."  That's the motto I have adopted.  Pretend.  Act 'as if'.  As if your life is perfect, as if your wealthy & beautiful, as if you don't have a care in the world.  Act 'as if.'.

Last week I had to stalk my ex to get a child support check.  By stalking I mean I had to drive to his job and sit outside and wait for him to show up to pick up his pay.  When he finally did show up he came to my car window and gave me this super sad face, and 'whoa is me' tale about how he got a ticket and forgot to show up in court, and how they are going to take his license if he doesn't pay it, and that's why he can't give me child support.  I swear I even saw a tear. 

I'm so embarrassed to admit it, but I actually felt sorry for him. I actually picked up my phone to call my sister and tell her the money that I borrowed from her so I could TAKE CARE OF ME, (& baby gurl) I wouldn't be able to pay back this week.  Instead of my sisters' number pulling up, magically my phone scrolled to the text messages I had save from my crazy ex.  You know the ones.  That's where the person who once loved you and swore you where the best thing that ever happened to him, sends you texts calling you a whore and many other choice expletives.  I saved those texts, just in case I need them to prove to the court that he actually is crazy.  Magically those texts reappeared just when I was feeling so for him.  Funny how that works.

So I read all of them.  And then I marched my perfect little ass, you know, the one he'll never get to touch again, right on down to the courthouse.  I stood in line for two hours.  The whole time re-reading every text and plotting and planning on how I would take him for every penny he has!  Let him be homeless on the street.  Not me. Not my daughter.  Time to take care of me!  I'm going to make sure that I have everything I need.  Food on the table, roof over my head, hair done, nails done, and looking as good as I possibly can!

And guess what.  I FEEL Better. 

I don't have money for an attorney.  But there are tons of Legal Aid foundations that are out there and will help you fill out paperwork.  In fact, they will tell you what forms you need, and then each form has instructions.  So as long as you can read, YOU can file for child support and spousal support!  And if you can't read, there are programs for that too.  Check your local library.

I have been back and forth to legal aid about 20 times, no exaggeration.  I fill out the forms, then I bring them to have an attorney intern look at them, then they tell me what to correct, then I correct, then I bring them back again. And I do it over and over again until I have it right.  If your really nice, people will help you.  There is no reason to suffer, or let your kids suffer.  You know what else I learned?  I don't have any money for an attorney because my crazy ex stole it all.  But he has money.  And the judge will order him to pay attorney fees! hah!  And he can't just stop working so he doesn't have to pay child support.  There are laws against that too!

So, Ladies and gentleman.  Time to take care of yourself.  Get up and make yourself look cute, (or handsome) do whatever makes you feel your best, and you know what that is.  Do it clean and sober.  After your done, make sure you and your kids have what they need.  If that means 'show no mercy.' then 'show no mercy.'  Everyone is a child of God, and it will all work out as it should. Don't  let anyone sucker you into believing they are more important, or somehow you don't deserve to be taken care of. You do deserve it.

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