Tuesday, June 4, 2013


  I don't have the kind of kids that pictures of them are posted on Facebook with captions below that read, "I'm so proud'.  They aren't holding giant trophy's with a little comments below that says, "My kid Rocks"
God didn't give me those kind of kids. Instead,  He gave me kids that cause me heartache, and pain, and sorrow, and quite frankly, every effort I can possibly muster.  I'm not talking about my little one of course.  She still loves her mama.  Little kids love their mama!  Thank God for that.  It's when they grow up that they become a problem.

My friends & family tried to warn me.  They did.  They used to say, "your boys are so good, wait until they become teenagers".  I didn't believe them.  My standard answer was, "not my boys."  My boys were angels when they were little.  And then,  they became teenagers.

My boys are 21 and 22 now.  Maybe if I had help with them things would be different.  But things aren't different, and quite frankly I'm tired!  One of my sons is in the hospital and has been for 6 months now.  If you've read my blog before you know this.  The good news is, he is getting better.  I believe that putting him in the hospital saved his life.  I should say that God saved his life, because the actual procedure for getting him in the hospital literally brought me to my knees.  I didn't think I could do it, and pretty much had a breakdown getting him there.  I was literally throwing up in the bushes while the ambulance & police and Orange County M.H. were all standing around telling me I was doing the right thing.  It was an ordeal!  The last 6 months have not been easier.  Everyday trips to the hospital.  Watching him get better, then slipping back.  Days full of prayer and anguish and crying, and more prayer.  It's been an emotional roller coaster and I am definitely  ready to get off.

My other son, well he is 21 now.  He just recently got his first job!  No, He has never had a job prior to this, nor was he going to school.  He was pretty much doing nothing but irritating the shit out of me. Nagging at him never worked.  Being nice never worked.  Taking away his 'stuff'  never worked.  Not giving him money never worked.  He said he didn't need money.  He said, "Jesus, used to walk with no shoes, and I will too."  I finally said to him in a very calm, 'I'm not going to get mad voice', "yes son, you have to have a J.O.B. to live here.  You HAVE to either go to school or have a job or both. period"  That was my repeater sentence. The sentence I just keep repeating over and over again.  And I did.  For two years. I stopped giving him money unless he EARNED it.  Go clean my car, clean the bathroom etc. etc.  Maybe I should have done that years ago.  I'm sure I should have done that years ago.  But never the less, he has a job now.  However, with that job comes a rotten stinking attitude.  Im so over it!  My younger son has always been the sweetest kindest person on the planet.  It's like the devil has over taken him.  He's just a jerk now, and I can't stand it!  I'm sorry to talk about my kid like that, but I'm serious!  I wonder if I'm the only one that ever feels like this about their kids?

Lastly, my little girl is only seven.  I have already taken her to apply for jobs!  Anytime she gets an attitude with me it's off with her head!

I will continue to be the mother that I am supposed to be, and continue to pray for patience and guidance.  Lord Help Me!


heather hummel said...

wow... That brings tears to my eyes. We try so hard as moms, (single mom here) to do the best we can. I believe whole heartedly you need to earn your keep from a very young age. I think our biggest downfall is our big hearts. We want to give to, and do for our little ones. They become indignant, complacent, self serving little shits. Mine are 12, 14, and 16 and I see a little trend already. I used to do ALL the cleaning and to this day they cant figure out how to clean a bathroom or put clothes away. Ugh.

Im sorry to hear about your son and hope the program is getting him better, opening his eyes to a different kind of life that can be very fulfilling.

Your daughter is to cute!!

sharon bell said...

Hi Heather. Thanks for your comment! I totally agree with you. As moms, we have a natural desire to give. It is our downfall, well, at least for me.
My older son is in a mental health facility and from there I'm hopeful he will get into a program, stay sober, and actually make something of himself. My poor 7 year old is not getting the 'nice mom'. Have you ever seen 'Madea's Happy Family?' That's what she gets! I'm always telling her, 'Don't make Madea come out! lol..She's more independent then either one of my boys. 'If I only knew then, what I know now! Best of luck to you with your kids too. My next blog will be about 'Mother Warriors' and how some of us, just don't have a choice. I hope you like it and pass it on. I'm trying to quit my job and write for a living :)

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