Therapy and God saved my life. Seriously. Some people don't believe in therapy. I guess it's not for everyone. For me, I HAD to have someone who I could bounce my thoughts off of. Not a friend or family member. I just didn't have any family I could talk to about things that were going on in my life. My family is of the old school where we just 'handle things' and not talk about them. My friends are super biased-Thank God. And they just tell me what I want to hear, as all good friends should.
My therapist. She was a different story. Sadly she has moved on to a bigger and better job and I'm finding that I miss her dearly. Especially when wrenches are being thrown at me. I made this comment to her once,
Me: "I feel like there are all these wrenches being thrown at me and I'm just ducking and dodging them."
Her: "Why wrenches?"
Her: "Why wrenches? Why not knifes, or bullets?"
Me: "Who the fuck cares? I'm over her dodging shit!"
Her: "Well it's interesting that you said wrenches"
Me: "No, what's interesting is that I cant see who is throwing them. I can only see them coming at me. All different sizes and they're coming quick"
Her: "Why wrenches?"
Me: "Fuck you bitch"
I meant that F.you in a loving, kind way. She was the kind of therapist that could handle me saying that. I left the office that day with her saying, "let me know next week why wrenches."
It bothered me for a long time. I never could figure it out. I had, and still have this vivid image of wrenches being thrown at me. Like a nightmare I just cant get away from. I still cant see who is throwing them. Its only a shadow from a far off distance hurling them at me. Someone strong, because they're coming fast. I picture myself standing there, just ducking and dodging. I'm not even running. I'm just standing there, dodging. I don't even know if I get hit. Yeah, maybe, like when I throw my arm up in self defense. Yup it hurts when I get hit.
So, I was talking to my friend about this last night. Telling her, I feel like wrenches are being thrown at me. Then I tell her the story of my therapist and "why wrenches" and I'm like fuck you bitch, and my friend says, in only the most beautiful eloquent way that friends can say. "Of course its wrenches! Knifes would kill you. Bullets kill you. You are a strong women. Things may come at you but they're not going to kill you. Hell no! Of course its a wrench. That shit hurts! A wrench might knock you down, but its not gonna kill you. If it was a knife or bullet, you'd be dead."
And there it is there. After a long day of dodging wrenches, my beautiful friend tells me exactly how it is. So what if a wrench gets thrown at you. You and God can handle it (notice I didn't say just you). Wrenches hurt, but they don't kill. I am a warrior and I can handle a lot. I have handled a lot. Sometimes, that requires help. Through a therapist, or Prayer, or good friends, or doctor, or whatever you need. Help is good. And helpful.
Do you need help?
What can YOU help with today?