Friday, March 29, 2013


   I live in Newport Beach California.  Land of beautiful people.  Sunny skies, beach house estates, Bentley's are driven like Honda Accords.  They're everywhere.  I wouldn't trade where I live for anything.  I love it here.             
  The fact is, it's all an illusion.  I'm talking about the people of course.  I look around me daily.   I do mean daily, and I see people going about their lives.  Looking fabulous, actually enjoying their lives.  At the park, at the mall, especially at church.  I am in awe.
  I don't have that kind of life.  I have a life full of trials and tribulations, and really, really rough times.  There are things that have happened to me, with me, for me, against me, narly, treacherous things, that no person should have to endure.  Yet I have.
  I am not having a pity party.  I'm only sharing that to make my point.  I appear to have it all together.  I'm super cute, I workout, I 'look' fabulous, I live in a nice place, I drive a decent car. I appear to have it all together.  Appearances.
  The truth is, God didn't give me an easy life.  He gave me a life full of heartache, pain, broke and brokenness.  He gave me gut-wrenching sorrow that has brought me to my knees.  Literally.  And that is my point.
  I have a son who is in the hospital.  He will be in the hospital for a very long time.  This consumes me pretty much every minute of every day.  I cry at the drop of a hat, sometimes in my car, sometimes at my office, mostly when I'm writing, always in church. 
  I have another son who is not working or going to school and doesn't have a clue about what he wants to do with his life.
  I have a daughter who is a ball full of nuclear energy, who does not stop moving, talking, or singing from the second she wakes up to the time she goes to sleep.  And I mean that literally.
  I had a spouse who I was deeply in love with and left me for drugs.
These are things that would appear to break me.
  I am so grateful to be where I'm at.  Full of humility and gratitude for the blessings I have.
  I have a son who is in the hospital and getting treatment.
  I have a son who is clean and sober and taking time to figure out what he wants in life.
  I have a daughter who keeps me skinny, and active, and laughing everyday.
  I get to date super fabulous men (& some not so fabulous) that provide hours of comedic material in case I ever want to write a sit-com.
  It has occurred to me that the beautiful people all around me, only appear to be fabulous.  Don't get me wrong, some are, and that's a blessing too.  But many aren't.  They have they're own trials and tribulations.  They have their own demons to wrestle with.  They're own obstacles to overcome. 
  My heartaches have left me much more compassionate towards others.  She probably has a story too.  He probably does as well.  It may be way worse then mine.  Ive learned to listen.  Ive learned to be grateful, Ive certainly learned to be humble.  This is a gift I get to pass on. 
Appearances are only that. I hope someone reads this and spends one day not judging others by what they appear to be.


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