Thursday, January 27, 2011

AM I SPEAKING ENGLISH?

Am I speaking English?  Do women speak English and men speak some secret language that we don't know about or are not privy to?  I can say, "The dog is chasing the cat." and somehow what the ex hears is, "That pussy likes to get chased around a tree."  I mean, not even close to what I said.  
My question is, "Is it my ex, or just men in general that they don't hear what we as women are saying."  Honestly, I think they speak a different language or something in their brain doesn't compute the way women's brains compute.  It's so odd. 

So the ex sends me a nasty text calling me foul names, liar, b., etc. etc.  Apparently someone has told him about http://thegreygrildiaries.blogspot.com. I'm very surprised by this since I've been writing for about a year now, and he's just now hearing about it?  Not like I'm trying to hide it or anything.  I mean, it is posted on the internet.  So I tell him too bad if you don't like it.  It's how I feel, it's about as real as it gets, and by the way, did you actually read it?

He tells me that he only got to the part where I tell about how he emptied the bank accounts, and that's a total lie, and blah blah blah.  Uh... well, if you deposit 3800.03 into the account, and you withdraw 3800.03 from the account, that is pretty much draining the accounts.  If you do this more then once, that that means you have drained the bank accounts and left me and baby girl for dead.  Right?  I mean, 1+1=2.  Somehow he just doesn't get this.  I guess the $400.00 dollars he gave me makes him think that he is 'looking out for me."  By the way, the 3800.03 is the from the business we own together, that I started, just in case you haven't read this blog before.

Anyway, I'm just so confused because everything is such polar opposites.  I see black, he sees white.  Is it because we are black & white?  Is it because his brain speaks another language?  What the heck?  

I would love to hear other peoples feedback and wonder if men in their lives speak a different language, or vice versa, women v. men.

In the meantime, I am still focused on taking care of me and my baby girl.  No matter what a man says, what I have learned for sure, is no one takes care of you, but you.  That's not to say, you cannot have a beautiful relationship with a member of the opposite sex.  It just means, have a secret stash!  Make sure you have a backup plan where you personally are taken care of.  Wow!  Took me a lot of years to learn that.  Wish I would have met up with with Oprah Winfrey, Suzie Orman, Cynthia Bailey, or other women that learned this lesson at a young age.  I will be teaching my daughter, starting now. :)




The Grey Girl Diaries: AM I SPEAKING ENGLISH?

The Grey Girl Diaries: AM I SPEAKING ENGLISH?: "Am I speaking English? Do women speak English and men speak some secret language that we don't know about or are not privy to? I..."

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Doing me

Much has happened since the last time i blogged. The ex has come crying back professing his undying love. Yea right. A year in therapy, practically homeless if not for the grace of God, having to start over, and all the other b.s. i've gone through has taught me something.
First & foremost. Actions speak louder then words. Duh....Im sad to say that i have fell for that song and dance a few times before. Some men know all the right things to say. Others know all the right things to do. Ill be paying attention to the 'do gooders' from here on out.
On a personal note. Im better. I no longer have days that i feel like im breaking down. I do have sad days where im sad for the husband that i truly loved is gone. Its terrible. But that man i fell in love with is no longer that man. Whoever, whatever, he turned into, is not what i want. This year has been a year of tremendous
Growth & spiritual growth. One thing for sure is without God i am nothing. I have made it through the worst of the worst. I feel like being homeless because husband walked out & emptied bank accounts & left me & daughter on our own is about as bad as it gets. From here there is no where to go but up.
With that said i am moving forward. Some days are easier then others. Most days are really good.
Financially still no court date, or lawyer to help, & i still struggle. But i know its not forever, & God is going to take care of me. I know this because i pray every day & every night & most of the day throughout the day.
So for some people a year seems like a long time. For me it does. I'm hopeful that one day i will look back on this all & laugh. In the meantime i will keep praying. I hope u do too!
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Sunday, December 5, 2010

BABY STEPS

Ive decided to get my ass up & quit whining about my situation. It is what it is. Nothing i can do about it cept brush it off & move on.
Today is the first time in 13 months i went to sunday church service & did not cry thru the whole thing. Today was also my daughters 5th birthday party & thanks through the generosity of others she had 'the best day of her whole life'
oh yea, & i take back all the shit talkin i did about chuck e cheese~they really took care of everything! Kids had a blast!
On a different note, ive decided to get my big toe wet & start dating again. So far, nothing but a bunch of losers who 'want to spank my ass' but not take me to dinner first! Hahaha! Ill keep everyone posted....
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Thursday, November 18, 2010

WALKING IN FAITH

 At this point all I can do is walk in faith.  Faith that God is going to take care of me.  Honestly, things have gotten really bad.  Really, Really bad.  I w ish I was like that housewife on the Dr. Phil show and could stay in bed all day.  Since I have a four-year old, I can't.  But I want to.

Its been a year now, and I can hardly believe it.  What happened to all the stregnth I had 6 months ago?  I guess I was so busy trying to survive, that I just forged ahead.  Left with no other options, thats what women do.  Now that I have a home to live in and food on my table, It feels a tad bit safer to just go ahead and cry, and get nothing done.  It  doesn't matter that I have no money for lights.  Who needs lights?  I like candles anyway.  Actually that's a little extreme, but really things are bad.  I feel like Im have a total breakdown.

It really hurts to get out of bed.  It hurts to talk.  I quit going to therapy.  There nothing to say.  Life is shit.  It's not just my loser husband.  I actually don't even have time to think about him and could really care a less.  I guess that's a blessing.  No time to be sad about such a menial thing as a man! I have bigger problems to deal with. When it rains, it pours.

My eldest son, is going through whatever the hell he is going through, and I can't help him.  He just got out of jail, and that's the least of his problems. As a mother this breaks my heart. Literally.  My heart is broken.  This is what a breakdown feels like, which may be the same thing as a broken heart. Im not sure. My youngest is acting out at school and she's only four.  If anyone knows what this looks like, it looks like a screaming tantrum baby!  The kind you see in Walmart running around like a maniac and the mother ignoring the disruptive, obnoxious baby.  That's me.  Thats's my baby!  If you see me just say 'hi' and keep it moving.  Save your dirty looks.  I  really don't care.!

I'm so depressed!  Everyone I know is living in beautiful houses, happy, planning there next vacation.  At a time when I should be planning my next spa day, Im counting change for coffee!  Fuck!  I can't sleep.  When I say I can't sleep, I mean I haven't slept in a year.  Im really breaking down.  I have a job, but can't work.  Im so worried about my eldest son, his brother, my daughter, work, paying bills, blah blah blah! Will I ever stop crying?  I'm just a HOT MESS!

So....I have no words of wisdom for anyone today.  It's a miracle I got up and wrote this.  I am trying to do ONE thing everyday.  Only one thing.  I'm making a habit of not answering my phone.  Anyone who has the slight inkling of being rude, gets an immediate disconnect.  I can only handle one thing at a time.  Today my one thing is writing.  Which of course, makes me cry! Again!

I hope someone else is having a better day and can offer words of wisdom.  Maybe tomorrow will be better.