THE TRUTH HURTS

For those of you who don't know: I am not available to get caught up in your crazy, chaotic life. I am also not available for obsessive, stalker men. I am not available for drug addicts, drunks, or abusive people. I am however, available as a good friend who will tell you exactly how it is. If your are NOT looking for honesty, then please don't call me. #thetruthhurts

GO AHEAD. THROW ANOTHER WRENCH

  Therapy and God saved my life.  Seriously.  Some people don't believe in therapy.  I guess it's not for everyone.  For me, I HAD to have someone who I could bounce my thoughts off of.  Not a friend or family member.  I just didn't have any family I could talk to about things that were going on in my life.  My family is of the old school where we just 'handle things' and not talk about them.  My friends are super biased-Thank God.  And they just tell me what I want to hear, as all good friends should.

My therapist.  She was a different story.  Sadly she has moved on to a bigger and better job and I'm finding that I miss her dearly.  Especially when wrenches are being thrown at me.  I made this comment to her once,

Me:  "I feel like there are all these wrenches being thrown at me and I'm just ducking and dodging them."
Her: "Why wrenches?"
Me   "What?"
Her:  "Why wrenches?  Why not knifes, or bullets?"
Me:  "Who the fuck cares?  I'm over her dodging shit!"
Her:  "Well it's interesting that you said wrenches"
Me:   "No, what's interesting is that I cant see who is throwing them. I can only see them coming at me. All different sizes and they're coming quick"
Her:  "Why wrenches?"
Me:  "Fuck you bitch"

I meant that F.you in a loving, kind way.  She was the kind of therapist that could handle me saying that.  I left the office that day with her saying, "let me know next week why wrenches."

It bothered me for a long time.  I never could figure it out.  I had, and still have this vivid image of wrenches being thrown at me.  Like a nightmare I just cant get away from.  I still cant see who is throwing them.  Its only a shadow from a far off distance hurling them at me.  Someone strong, because they're coming fast.  I picture myself standing there, just ducking and dodging.  I'm not even running.  I'm just standing there, dodging.  I don't even know if I get hit.  Yeah, maybe, like when I throw my arm up in self defense.  Yup it hurts when I get hit.

So, I was talking to my friend about this last night.  Telling her, I feel like wrenches are being thrown at me.  Then I tell her the story of my therapist and "why wrenches" and I'm like fuck you bitch, and my friend says, in only the most beautiful eloquent way that friends can say.  "Of course its wrenches!  Knifes would kill you. Bullets kill you.  You are a strong women.  Things may come at you but they're not going to kill you.  Hell no!  Of course its a wrench.  That shit hurts!  A wrench might knock you down, but its not gonna kill you.  If it was a knife or bullet, you'd be dead."

And there it is there.  After a long day of dodging wrenches, my beautiful friend tells me exactly how it is.  So what if a wrench gets thrown at you.  You and God can handle it  (notice I didn't say just you).  Wrenches hurt, but they don't kill.  I am a warrior and I can handle a lot.  I have handled a lot.  Sometimes, that requires help.  Through a therapist, or Prayer, or good friends, or doctor, or whatever you need.  Help is good.  And helpful.

Do you need help?

What can YOU help with today?

WRITING ON THE INTERNET

  As I sit down to write this it occurs to me I am not free to write anything I would like.  Sadly, I do have stalkers in my life that tend to check up on me in an effort to hold my words against me.  I know it sounds crazy and paranoid, but  it is just that.  Like that one time I wrote about when I went to jail....
That somehow came up in custody court years later.
 
So, instead of writing about what I would like to write about, I find myself instead heading a warning.  I'm sure you have all heard it before.  But just in case-The internet is a vast web of information.  You can find anything on the internet, which in my opinion is a blessing and a curse. 
 
Like that one time I was about to go out on a date with a guy.  Instead of finding him in the American Medical Association, I found him on 'report your ex'.  I can do vast amount of research on the internet and Im not even a researcher.

So please.  Writers' write.  But if your going to be honest, change the names.  Probably not wise to post pics of yourself on Facebook.  Especially if your 20, have a bunch of pics with you and underage girls drinking,  and attending Harvard Law.  I'm just sayin...